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Sardonic, smart, and just a little bit unpredictable, Dakota Johnson does not suffer fools. Born into a dynasty of Hollywood elites, she is blasé about maintaining Los Angeles pleasantries. “Aren’t you supposed to let people talk on this show?” she once asked Jimmy Fallon, who is known to finish his guest’s sentences. And then there’s the Milf N Cookies Too Perfect For You Shirt so you should to go to store and get this much-memed smirk: “That’s not the truth, Ellen”. She could (if she wanted to) play a convincingly droll mobster in some kind of dark and brooding A24 movie. And so, it’s fitting that—in a month where lots of people are discussing the rise of the so-called Mob Wife aesthetic, which is six and a half times more popular than Eclectic Grandpa and five times more popular than the Office Siren—Johnson seems to have started dressing like a fictional character. The actor emerged from a New York hotel yesterday afternoon in a full Bottega Veneta look. She’s not quite wearing a zoot suit, but the pinstripes on that two-piece nonetheless evoke the image of a classic gangstress.
But Johnson does not strike me as the Milf N Cookies Too Perfect For You Shirt so you should to go to store and get this kind of person that keeps abreast of fleeting TikTok fads—she is, after all, asleep for 14 hours of the day—and so this moment is, at best, an act of coincidence. If she really wanted to cosplay as a glamorous oligarch of the New York crime scene, she might have called on the work of Raul Lopez at Luar or John Galliano at Dior or Alexander McQueen at Givenchy. The broad shoulders and the leopard print, the purring come hither and paralysing bite that follows. We all feel the sting of embarrassment when forced to reckon with our past fashion choices—even the eternally chic Chloë Sevigny. “Let the shame and regret begin,” Sevigny jokes as she dives into her life in looks.
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